remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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