hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
