planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
