My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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