I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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