how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
