i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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