Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
