The maid of honor just puked.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
