Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
