put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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