Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
