he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
