im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize