At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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