Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
