Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
