So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
