He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
