she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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