hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
