I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
