last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
