Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
