my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize