is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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