if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
