How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
