i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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