Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
