Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
