I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
