Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
