I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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