the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize