if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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