do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My vagina just recognized that song.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
