Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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