There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
