No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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