You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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