I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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