no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
