Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I would ride that face into the sunset
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
