I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
