I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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