I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
