I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
