and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
