The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
