I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
be right there i have to get my cape
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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