Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
there is glitter all over my balls
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