You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
