Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
