the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
