My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
