dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
