if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
