yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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