I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
