I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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