My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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