we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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