when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize