After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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