u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
