The maid of honor just puked.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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