NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize