Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
