I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am available for nakedness
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
