i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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