so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
