It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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