absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
